We need to dig deep within ourselves and find out why we think hitting a child is disciplinary

Hyderabad: We tend to use more palatable terms like ‘hitting’ but these are forms of physical violence that border on abuse. The Early Childhood Association did a survey in India that reported 77.5% of parents hit their children, and 28% do this frequently. Verbal emotional abuse and verbal intimidation such as shouting, scolding, abusing and physical violence are forms of disciplinary measures used by caregivers at home as identified by UNICEF India.

Using phrases like “I will hit you if you don’t listen to me”, blackmailing, criticising, slapping, twisting ears and beating are some ways of abuse. The research looked at the effects of hitting as well as abuse (Gershoff & Grogan-Kaylor, 2016). Both make a child vulnerable to attending to negative thoughts and emotions. Moreover, a child can’t learn anything when they are hurt. All it teaches them is to hide their mistakes so that they can avoid being hit.

Ethics of Physical Discipline

Supporters of using physical force for disciplining argue the use of fear helps the child learn to not repeat undesirable behaviour. A justification for this is that children don’t understand the reasoning and thus cannot be explained what’s right or wrong behaviour. If they don’t understand the reasoning, can we expect them to understand the backward reasoning as to why someone who loves them is deliberately hurting them? Parents yell at, smack or threaten their children because they receive instant gratification – a visible change. But has the child learnt a meaningful lesson? Probably not.

More importantly, we need to dig deep within ourselves and find out why we think hitting is disciplinary. Is it because we were hit by our parents as children? It may be tough to be hit as a child and not repeat the same pattern. Does one really do better by being hit or could one turn out better if they were disciplined with love?

Learning from Role Models

The famous Bobo doll experiment by Albert Bandura illustrates that children observe people behaving in various ways and learn from it. Many potential role models surround children, such as parents, TV characters, friends and teachers. The most influential models are parents, as a child spends most of their time with their parents during the early stages of development. Children copy or imitate the behaviour that they have observed at a later stage (Graham & Arshad-Ayaz, 2016). Seeing their primary group members being insensitive towards them also makes them less kind. Moreover, if a parent is hitting their child with the intention to discipline, they will learn that one can get things done by hitting and originating fear in another person’s mind. Needless to say, this can lead to several attitude issues as the child grows.

Impact on Mental Health

Physical punishment has been consistently associated with negative developmental outcomes. A study in 2006 revealed that teenagers who fought, bullied and victimised others received physical punishments from their parents to be disciplined (Ohene et al, 2006). In addition to encouraging aggressive, violent and antisocial behaviour, such disciplinary measures also lead to poor cognition and mental health issues.

Physical discipline can lead to feelings of fear, anxiety and depression in children as they feel unsafe in their own homes. They may struggle with tasks that require problem-solving or critical thinking skills. Furthermore, repeated physical punishment can result in decreased self-esteem and confidence, leading to a lack of motivation and ambition in their future. They may develop a belief that they are not capable of success, which can hinder their growth and development.

Damaging relationship

Every time you hit them, you are not only damaging your relationship with them but also stripping them of compassion, playing with their future potential and violating their right to feel safe. When a parent uses physical punishment as a means of discipline, the child may start to associate their parent with fear and pain. This can lead to a breakdown in trust, respect and communication between the parent and child. For example, a child who is spanked by their parent may begin to fear their parent, avoiding interaction with them or becoming defensive in their presence. This can lead to a lack of emotional connection between the parent and child, making it difficult for the child to confide in their parent or seek comfort from them.

Moreover, physical discipline can also lead to a power imbalance in the relationship. The child may begin to feel helpless and unable to control their own behaviour, leading to feelings of shame, guilt and resentment towards their parent. This can ultimately result in a strained and dysfunctional relationship between the parent and child.

Right way

Here are a few ways to discipline your child with long-term behavioural improvements without resorting to smacking.

• Encourage their decision-making: Children are more intuitive than one would know. Rather than ‘telling’ them to do things, you may converse about the options they have. Let them reflect on their deed, by asking “what do you think of your actions?”
• Allow natural consequences: Let them have their say, provided, it doesn’t have long-term harmful consequences. They will naturally learn what they could have done to avoid the mistake and its consequences. Let the lesson sink in without being overpowered by shame.
• Be the role model for who you want your child to be: According to psychological learning theories, children are active learners and they learn the behaviour that they observe. For example, if you want to teach your child the importance of honesty, show them how honest you are. Make sure they see the consequences of honesty and lying.
• Create a nurturing environment: Nurturing parents are warm, affectionate, good at listening, respectful and conscious of their children’s primary physical healthcare and emotional well-being (Smith et al, 1994).

Researchers like Belsky (1984) found that attentive, nonrestrictive and warm parents stimulate intellectual growth in their children. Children respond to the guidance of nurturing parents more positively than critical parents (Eisenberg, 1992). Moreover, children who experience a nurturing home environment are more likely to develop into healthy, capable, fully functioning adults.

It’s important for parents to understand that physical discipline can have long-term consequences on their child’s mental health and cognition. Instead of using physical discipline, parents should try to use positive discipline techniques such as positive reinforcement, setting clear boundaries and practising effective communication.

This article has been authored by Bhavya Sekhri, Third Year Undergraduate Student, FLAME University, and Prof. Moulika Mandal, Faculty of Psychology, FLAME University.